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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942635">Acknowledgement</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphictaurus/pseuds/Sapphictaurus'>Sapphictaurus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Refusal &amp; Acknowledgement [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A whole lot of hurt with a hint of comfort, Eliza Danvers' A+ Parenting, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Alex Danvers, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, discussion of abuse (nothing graphic)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27942635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphictaurus/pseuds/Sapphictaurus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex half expects Eliza to yell at her. To tell her she’s wrong, that she’s being ridiculous and dramatic, that she needs to get over it.</p><p>Her mother doesn’t do any of those things. Instead she nods.</p><p>“You’re right,” she says, her voice cracking slightly. “, tell me what I can do to make this better.”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in two decades, Alex feels like Eliza is listening.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Danvers &amp; Eliza Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen (mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Refusal &amp; Acknowledgement [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Acknowledgement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is basically part two to Refusal, so if you haven’t read that one this might not make that much sense</p><p>*All mistakes are mine, y’all know the drill*</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It takes her three months to build up the courage to talk to her mother about what’s been silently brewing beneath the surface since she was 14 and forced to become a big sister and protector and teacher all at once.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes her fathers (official) funeral to bring her plan of confrontation crashing down like a poorly assembled Jenga tower made up of all the things she has never been brave enough to say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Drinking should not be her go to anymore, she learned her lesson after the hospital visit and the pointed lecture from her mother that followed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It shouldn’t be her go to anymore because she sees the way Kelly watches her with concern every time she reaches for a beer at game night, or the way Kara winces slightly and pretends it’s playful when she snatches liquor away from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex drinks because she’s in pain and alcohol is the only solid companion she’s ever had to any of her sorrows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the same way that she denied that Eliza abused her, she’ll deny that she might have a slight dependency on alcohol.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s not an alcoholic and her childhood wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> traumatic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of her wants to laugh at the notion as she makes her way over to the bed, wine bottle in one hand and glass in the other.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She’s beginning to regret the way she yelled at Kara earlier. Part of it is because her mother had ingrained in her that Kara was helpless and didn’t understand and needed her help. Kara always needed her help and she shouldn’t yell at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other part of it is actually because none of what Alex is feeling is really Kara’s fault. Everything Alex is currently feeling is definitely a well crafted design fashioned by the universe, fit to make her crumble.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s too much to think about, between the fact that Jeremiah is </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>gone this time, and Kara is hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>because of her</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and her mother will inevitably blame her for that– Alex wants an escape.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But she feels guilty when she looks at the wine again. She remembers Kelly’s eyes, how they softened and grew watery as she watched her drink </span>
  <em>
    <span>again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She remembers her soft hand curling around the neck of the bottle and tugging it away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex gets up and puts the wine back in the fridge and the glass in the sink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She finds an escape in the obsidian lenses instead— and that somehow also manages to go to shit.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s ironic how her subconscious keeps sending her signals, telling her things she already knows but can’t ever see until it’s spelled out for her to witness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When she’s free of her own virtual prison, she goes to her fathers funeral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not for her mom. Not for Kara (part of it is still for Kara, everything she does always will be). She does it for herself, because she needs to be there, she deserves closure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t talk to her mother about </span>
  <em>
    <span>it </span>
  </em>
  <span>after the funeral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seems wrong to do that to her. Eliza had just lost her husband </span>
  <em>
    <span>again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even if Alex needs to talk to her about all of the choice words from her childhood, even if she needs her mom to understand just how deeply she had been wounded by those things, she can’t do it after his funeral.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>So she waits until after the chaos of Leviathan dials down– and that isn’t avoidance (she has to assure Kelly of that multiple times) that is simply because she can’t bear to concentrate on her personal life issues when the safety of the entire world is at stake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(And yes, Kelly does agree that she has a point with that one).</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She drives out to Midvale one weekend when the sun is shining and the sky is clear, she does it by herself because it’s a conversation they need to have on their own. Witnesses seem unnecessary, even if part of her sort of wishes that Kelly was by her side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not Kara though. As much as she loves her sister, she also knows that there have been way too many images of parental figures tainted for her forever and it would just be cruel to make her witness another.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Her mom smiles at her in the way that she always has, eyes flickering over her form just to see if somethings wrong. If there’s something out of place that needs to be corrected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eliza was always correcting her about something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She gets out of J’onn’s car, shoving the keys into her pocket before grabbing her bag out of the backseat. She wonders if he knows. He has to know right? He can read minds can’t he? Surely he’s noticed the way Alex tenses up every time her mother speaks to her. There’s no way he hasn’t keyed in on just how different Eliza’s relationship to Kara is compared to the one she has with Alex.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So if J’onn probably knows, and if Kelly figured it out, how many more of her friends– her family are aware?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if they’re aware why had they never said anything to her about it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head of those thoughts, smiling a little at her mom as she stands up straighter while locking the vehicle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it okay if we talk?” She asks, her voice edging on nervous despite the fact that she’s the former director of the DEO. She’s talked down killers and monsters and villains of all sorts, yet the thought of having </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>conversation with her mother makes her feel small and afraid. “I just need to get some things off my chest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You came all this way just to talk?” Eliza asks with a laugh, obviously not noticing the nervous energy to Alex’s demeanor as they make their way into the house. “Sweetie, as happy as I am to see you, you know you can pick up the phone right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” She says, setting her bag down by the door, she’ll pick it up later. “I’d rather talk about this in person.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this about Kara?” Her mother looks concerned when she turns to face her again, and Alex has to bite her lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything is always inevitably about Kara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She loves her sister– she would die for her sister– but for once in her life she wants to be first on her mothers list of priorities instead of last.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Alex replies. “, not really.” She amends, then sighs heavily, gesturing to the couch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eliza raises a brow in question but doesn’t say anything as she takes a seat, watching Alex follow in suit across from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to say anything until I’m done okay? I just...I need to get it all out.” Alex runs her fingers nervously through her cropped hair before she starts to talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that you never consciously meant to make me feel unwanted. I know that you lost your husband, and you had to raise two teenagers on your own, and I can’t even imagine how hard that was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I know that you needed me to be there to protect and look after Kara when you couldn’t. I know that’s why you did the things you did, and you said the things you said. I know that. But what I also know is that...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex pauses, unable to look at Eliza’s face for fear of what she might find there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“....is that your words and your actions left me wounded for a very long time. So I know what you meant to do mom, and I understand what you meant to do, but I need you to understand what it was that you actually did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What you really did was make me feel unwanted, and unloved, and like Kara mattered more to you than I did. Like she still matters more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I just need you to understand that, because I want our relationship to be better, and the only way it’s going to be better is if I work on repairing the scars left by your actions, and you work on making sure it isn’t repeated. I love you mom and I forgive you, but I need you to acknowledge what warranted the forgiveness in the first place.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s silent for a while, and Alex thinks that she’s royally fucked up. It was a necessary conversation yes but she didn’t want to have it, she wanted to avoid it and let it eat at her until she became numb to the consumption.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now she’s said the words and she can’t take them back any more than her mother can take back her previous actions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alex half expects Eliza to yell at her. To tell her she’s wrong, that she’s being ridiculous and dramatic, that she needs to get over it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother doesn’t do any of those things. Instead she nods.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” she says, her voice cracking slightly. “, tell me what I can do to make this better.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time in two decades, Alex feels like Eliza is listening.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading &lt;3</p><p>there might be a part 3 sometime in the future</p></blockquote></div></div>
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